Well, I started to write in my dream journal again. I started up in Feb 15 2013. I was told that I could direct my dreams by writing down questions before bed and . . . put the book under my pillow and when I wake up . . .write the dreams down as soon as I can so I don’t forget them. Carl Jung I think is the one that was into dreams – and the shadow self. In any case, once I started to write down my dreams, my dreams seemed to speak to me. Well, perhaps I just became aware of what they were trying to tell me all along.
I put my dream journal down several times throughout the year and I had a month gap from August to September. Lately I have had many dreams about travel, which suggest either that I have new interests, that I want change in my waking life or that I have some life goals that I’d like to achieve. Time travel suggests that I either want to go back to “before” or jump ahead from whatever reality I am currently in. The direction of the travel parallels waking life. If you get on a plane and don’t go anywhere, perhaps your dreams are not taking off. If your car is stolen, it means that a part of you in stolen or missing or you can’t find your identity since a car, a house (if you don’t see yourself in the dream) could be representing YOU in the dream.
Sep 30th I had a dream that my mom was driving backwards in her Chevy and I was in the backseat (as an adult). This suggests that I am going backwards in my life and not forward. It also suggests that I am allowing other people to drive my life and I’m taking a backseat approach to my own life. October 4th I had a dream I was in a car and the car was not going anywhere. Again, my dreams or my life goals are on hold or I am stuck someway in my waking life. On October 15th I had a dream that I saw a bus full of people but the bus didn’t go anywhere and instead, they all died. I wanted to help them get off the bus, but I couldn’t. I wanted to help them, but my “hands were tied”. I was also told to climb up a rope hanging down in the middle of a large Christmas tree. Since I was able to climb UP the rope, it suggests progress or going up in my life. But not getting on the bus could mean that I have some fear about change or progress. It also suggests that in my waking life I want to help others – but due to my financial situation (I don’t have a paid job and I don’t qualify for SSI), that means I can’t help others like I want to. If I had a job, I’d be helping my employer and his/her customers. On October 16th I also had a dream about two nurses arguing over something stupid and they were not taking care of their patients. Two men were in the room and they had tubes all around them and one man could not breathe. I couldn’t help them since “my hands were tied” again.
On October 22nd I had a dream I was in a special math class for gifted people. I hated my teacher (an older male with grey hair) and I had switched teachers (same math class). I met a guy (young one) and he introduced himself to me and I was happy. But I left class for some reason (why would I leave any class?) I was in my old Nissan Sentra and I was trying to get back to class, I had to look for a gas station for air in my tire. I was in a town that looked like a ghost town. I was driving down the streets of Indiana, near Hammond or in that area. (I used to live in that area for 4 years). I walked to find a gas station and I had walked down the wrong street. I thought I saw a gas station on that street, but I walked about 1 mile to no where. When I returned to my car, one of my tires were flat. I drove the car with a flat tire. This dream suggests that I’m going in life in the wrong direction and that my goals are are hold due to a “flat” effect in my life. Nothing is happening.
On Oct 23rd, I had a dream that mom’s Ranger was driving itself on the freeway and we went in our car to go get it. It had no driver and it drove itself perfectly. We tried to catch up to the truck, but it always was 2 cars ahead of us in heavy traffic. One man saw our truck and wanted it. This suggests that my life is going and no one is driving it. That same night I had a dream I was in Texas (my dad lives in Texas and I have been there before) and I had to go to some silly meeting. I think it was a financial meeting about money and numbers. Some lady I’ve never seen before wanted me to drive her somewhere. I had a sense that we were or she was trying to help someone – either she wanted to feed someone, get someone into a motel or something like that. I drove and wouldn’t you know it. We couldn’t get to this “place” since there was a road block on the freeway. Again, this suggests that in my waking life – my life plan or my life journey has major road blocks in it.
On October 23rd, I had one dream. I was in Egypt and I was either a king, a queen, a manager or something high ranking since I was in training for something. I could also have been in the military. I do remember time travel in my dream. Again as I stated before, time travel suggests that you want to get away from your waking life and to jump to a future time or a past time. The dream about Egypt since I’ve never been there suggests that I desire change in my life and that I want something new, fresh and interesting in my life. Since I was a manager or something in that order, my dream could suggest that I will be a manager or a leader or that I desire to be one. My own attitude about Egypt is that of wonder. I have never been there and I do like learning about ancient Egypt. I have no negative feelings toward Egypt – so my dream may be that of a welcoming of new stuff coming my way.
I know what I desire. I desire to get out of this stupid town of only 70K people. I desire to live in an area where more people have at least a bachelor degree and get out of this retail only town where everyone works at Wal-Mart. I want to live in a larger town of at least 150K people. I want to live near big businesses so I will not have to drive 60 miles one way just to get to work. (Costa Mesa is 60 miles one way from Perris). I want a freaking paid job, not stupid silly volunteer bull shit. I volunteered for 3 freaking years. I need to move the freak on with my life.
I want people to see value in me. I want to help someone else reach their dream. If I get hired, I can do that. I want to be able to get a job and be able to pay my mom’s bills AND my OWN BILLS. But to do that, I’d need to earn at least $30K per year. May be more if I count gasoline expense to get back and forth to work.
I want to be walking outside without a cane, without a LIMP. I CAN WALK without a cane, but I have a limp. I want to be able to get dressed all the way with no pain and no stiffness in my hip. I desire to take classes at a college (preferably a JC) and take psychology classes and then transfer over to a 4 year college – perhaps Cal State San Bernardino or Cal State Long Beach. But I must get these stupid ass road blocks out of my way. I can’t go to class with no money. I can’t take out any pell grants or cal grants since I already HAVE a bachelor degree. I COULD take out more student loans, but why would I want to when I already have too many student loans. The only other option I have is to hope and pray that I win a scholarship if I decide to write an essay. I’m 38 and I feel like I don’t fit in at all with my own age group. I don’t have kids and hello. People my age have kids that are freaking 19 years old. Hello? What the hell happened. You think I want to be a 55 year old mother to a 15 year old kid??? Well, if I don’t do something now and quick, that is what’s going to happen. And yes, I could adopt a kid. But you can’t do that without MONEY! The courts will not allow you to do that unless you are stable!
Let’s get this life moving and get me outta this town. I want to meet new people . . .