Some cock-eyed thing to me!

Disclaimer Note: I do not support IFB churches, I no longer agree with them and I think many churches and/or organized religions are around to control people. I know Hyles Anderson College is not accredited and I don’t consider it a real college now. I went to HAC from 1997 -2001) since I was a Christian at the time. Since I started at an IFBC at age 16 (1992), I was brainwashed into thinking that only IF B churches were “real” churches. After hours and hours of questioning what I truly believed (or didn’t believe) I became an atheist in Feb 2013.  I will be adding this this disclaimer to each post I have written so people know where I stand now.

I had to go upstairs to meditate for about 15 minutes. I haven’t meditated in weeks. I’m not a Buddhist since I haven’t taken any vows.  But I love ZEN. I love just being in the now and soaking it all up.

So, I try to feed Miss Cuddles (our 16 year old dog). She doesn’t want any rice, I put it up, I take Mr. Duke (our 10 year old dog) upstairs and I go into the guest room. I  close the door. I sit in a nice hard chair. At first I’m not sitting up straight. I just sit with my head down and shoulders slumped over.  I become aware of how I’m sitting and immediately I sit up.  I become aware of my breathing.

I beg to weep. I know to just allow it all to happen. I know to not push those feelings away and I know to not judge the thoughts that come into my consciousnesses.  Just be.  Once I sit up more tears come. Naturally.  I then envision a white light coming down through my head down to my tail bone.  This keeps me siting upright. I sat for about 10 – 12 minutes. I cried for about 3 minutes.

Then I move through each Chakra. Red (base 1) Gold 2, Yellow 3, Green/Heart 4, Blue/throat 5, Indigo/Third eye 6, and Violet/crown 7.   Roy G Biv is the acronym to remember for this.

Now I haven’t meditated in about 5 weeks. So, I believe I was very spiritually unbalanced. After 12 minutes up stairs I come downstairs. I thank my mom for giving me a few minutes to myself.  I say I love her to her and say “I need a hug”.  She gave me one.  She asked me if I was depressed and I told her depression is more than just sadness. I told her I did not feel hopeless or worthless – which is what depression does. I told her I WAS very sad and I did weep upstairs, but that I’m fine now that I meditated.  She asked me “Doesn’t meditation help with that?” I said “Sure does – if I do it, that is why it is called practice!”

My mom and I start a funny dialogue. I told her I think I’m spiritually unbalanced. She laughed and said “What the hell does that mean?” I say “Well, what does it mean to you?” She said “I don’t know, it sounds like some cock-eyed thing to me!” I bust up laughing my butt off.  She had no clue what that meant. So, I said, I think my Chakras were out of balance.

I don’t know exactly what she said next, but somewhere along the lines of  “Well, you said you were spiritually unbalanced, so what does that mean, you are spiritually insane?”  Again, I bust up laughing. I said “Mom, may be a Christian is spiritually unbalanced since they didn’t go to church in over 2 years and they feel they need to go to some church to hear preaching. Is that insane?” She said “no, but when people talk about ‘unbalanced’  they mean ‘insane’ “. I said, “Umm. . .I think a better word for that is ‘morally unbalanced’ . That is a good word or insane.”

Then I gave an example. Charles Manson. Does he have morals? Some would say he has none. Now, if that is true that he has no values at all, then I’d say he is morally unbalanced and that would be equal to “insane”.  My mom and I both laughed like crazy at her comment “spiritually insane”.  I even told my mom that her comment “That sounds like some cock-eyed thing to me” sounded like something some well known atheists may say since some atheists don’t believe in ANYTHING spiritual, let alone gods.

I’m a spiritual atheist  – obviously – since I’m into ZEN big time and I’m into Chakras big time.   My relationship with my mom is special. We have our funny moments when we can laugh at each other and we have our moments like any other mother/daughter where we should not be living together.  I’m glad we laughed tonight!

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