Disclaimer Note: I do not support IFB churches, I no longer agree with them and I think many churches and/or organized religions are around to control people. I know Hyles Anderson College is not accredited and I don’t consider it a real college now. I went to HAC from 1997 -2001) since I was a Christian at the time. Since I started at an IFBC at age 16 (1992), I was brainwashed into thinking that only IF B churches were “real” churches. After hours and hours of questioning what I truly believed (or didn’t believe) I became an atheist in Feb 2013. I will be adding this this disclaimer to each post I have written so people know where I stand now.
I never did like labels.
In 2009, I started to listen to The Atheist Experience videos on Youtube. I was curious, but at that time I was still very much a liberal Christian. By 2011, I left the baptist church I was in. I told them I was gay and my values are not the same. I have never looked back.
By Jan 2011 I started to understand the dangers of religion how it can destroy people and relationships. By Feb 2013 I identified with “atheist:” as a label. . . . after many many months of asking many questions. This is a personal journey – and I can’t promise anyone that in the future I will change my mind if I feel that this is not right for me. I can’t give you reasons why you personally need to be one. I can give you MY reasons for why I changed over.
If you feel you need to be one, or if you feel you should be one – ask yourself why you feel the need to be one. You need to ask yourself some questions. You need to do the work yourself, no one can tell you that it is right for you to be an atheist.
But perhaps like me, listening to The Atheist Experience videos on YouTube may help you get a good look at what critical thinking, asking questions and “question everything” means. I try to see things from many points of view and I love it when I’m introduced to a new way of looking at something.
I don’t like labels. They box people in way too much. I’d rather be the box with nothing in it. So, I guess I’m not really a Buddhist since I haven’t taken any vows. But I do enjoy reading up on Zen Buddhism and I enjoy Pema Chordon and Tibetan Buddhism and the idea of having love and compassion – for yourself first and then expanding that feeling outward and more outward.
What is spirituality? I guess it all depends on how you define that word! I used to think when I was a baptist that I was spiritual. Boy oh boy did I have a boxed in view of that word. So can a person be spiritual and be an atheist and a free thinker and a critical thinker? Sure I think so.
I enjoy listening to my heart beat. I’ve enjoyed it since oh, I don’t know since 2004. I was ashamed of it for a long long time. I’m not sure if I’m 100% over the shame. But I’m sharing with the world now. Listening to my own heartbeat (with a stethoscope) is highly spiritual for me. Now, some may say “no your heart pumps blood and keeps you alive and it moves oxygen through the body and that is it”. For me, my heart does a little more. It keeps me in tune with life. It brings me back to me. I feel complete when I listen to my heartbeat. I love it. Sometimes I imagine myself as only a heart, no eyes, no feet, no arms or legs, just a heart beating. Oh, the sound is so beautiful.
I love nature. I love to watch birds. I used to watch them with my dad’s binoculars. I should get back to doing that. I find peace in nature. I used to walk daily just before the sunrise. For 6 months in 2011 I’d get up and walk and then after my walk, I’d stop and wait for the sun to come up. And I’d talk to the sun. I’d say “Good morning Mr. Sun, how are you today are you going to give us light and give us warmth for the day or are you going to hide behind some clouds and be scared?” Did I expect the sun to answer me back? Of Course not! And if I didn’t know any better, I’d probably be a sun worshiper RA! I love nature. I love to lay in grass. Wow what a feeling to be grounded to the earth. It just brings me HOME.
What else do I love? I love to read. I love to learn. My interests right now surround the same topics. Psychology, eastern philosophy, New Age thought (I guess it could go into Paganism, but I’m not a Pagan), String Theory, Time Travel, Black Holes, Multi-verses, Zen and being here now, meditation, The brain, the functions of the brain, The “brain” in the heart, how our body is all connected with both physical and emotional well being (one is off, so will the other). I love science and learning about evolution and how species evolved and how humans evolved. I enjoy learning about our humanness from watching and observing other animals. This is why I love psychology so much since it is the study of humans and human behavior. I want to read more on neuroscience.
There are a few authors I enjoy reading: (Mooji does videos on Youtube) Alan Watts, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Cheri Huber, Pema Chordon, Carl Jung, Rollo May, Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslow, Winnocott, OSHO, Mooji and and last but not least. . .. Sri Ramana Maharshi.
So am I a humanist? I guess I am. I believe in the human race. I really believe that the human race can do many good things.
I don’t believe in any gods anymore. But this was a long long process and I started to question my belief (in a god) long before 2013. And I started to question the “god” of the bible in 2011. I was taught the “god” of the bible can not be questioned – ever. Why? Shouldn’t he be held to the same standard that he wants us to hold on to? Don’t kill? He sure did kill many people.
This is just my account of what happened to me. . .When I read up on the accounts of how Christianity is a ancient pagan religion. . .it began to sink in. My non-belief is more solidified with reason. It become real. When I started to read about who really wrote the new testament and how it really wasn’t all of the people I thought it was – my reason starts to really take shape. This is the great awakening (what I call it anyway) for any new atheist.
So now that I’m done. . .I’m going to bed. I’m not going to kill any babies and I’m not going to rape dogs and skin them alive and then feed them to cows. I’m going to bed.